This is the secret of the Middle Way:
you cannot be saved alone
because you are not alone.
You are not one extreme point on a spectrum, separate from any of the other points.
You are the whole cosmos.
-- Alan Watts
Renunciation and Letting Go
Renunciation, the third of the ten perfections – our inherent good heart qualities.
Many of us have been conditioned to see renunciation as a kind of penance or deprivation or punishment; maybe a way of ‘paying for our sins.’ But, here, although challenging and certainly requiring courage, the teachings speak of renunciation as freedom from or letting go of anything that binds us to stories of suffering we create for ourselves.
The most common and insistent ways we make ourselves unhappy is through our grasping and greediness toward things outside ourselves; things we believe will make us feel happy, safe, and secure. We want things that stay the same and are unchanging. However, despite our best efforts, we can plainly see that everything is really impermanent and always changing. When we can deeply accept that reality and apply it to our own attachments and desires, the letting go or renunciation of those things happens naturally. We move toward more freedom from suffering.
The problem arises when we identify with these feelings . . .
When anger arises, or sorrow or love or joy, it is just anger angering, sorrow sorrowing, love loving, joy joying. Different feelings arise and pass, each simply expressing its own nature. The problem arises when we identify with these feelings, or thoughts, or sensations as being self or as belonging to "me": I'm angry, I'm sad.
Joseph Goldstein
Equanimity - Pema Chodron
"The traditional image for equanimity is a banquet to which everyone is invited.
That means that everyone and everything, without exception, is on the guest list. Consider your worst enemy. Consider someone who would do you harm. Imagine inviting them to this feast.
Training in equanimity is learning to open the door to all, welcoming all beings, inviting life to come visit. Of course, as certain guests arrive, we’ll feel fear and aversion. We allow ourselves to open the door just a crack if that’s all that we can presently do, and we allow ourselves to shut the door when necessary. Cultivating equanimity is a work in progress. We aspire to spend our lives training in the loving-kindness and courage that it takes to receive whatever appears—sickness, health, poverty, wealth, sorrow, and joy. We welcome and get to know them all." - Pema Chodron
Equanimity
“The bridge has no allegiance to either side.” - Les Coleman
Equanimity
“If you don’t become the ocean
you’ll be seasick
every day.”
–Leonard Cohen
'Six Kinds of Loneliness' by Pema Chodron
This is an amazing description of the "middle way" where everything is as it is, and it's not a problem. Click the link for the full article from July, 2000 issue of "Lion's Roar" online magazine.
"As human beings, not only do we seek resolution, but we also feel that we deserve resolution. However, not only do we not deserve resolution, we suffer from resolution. We don’t deserve resolution; we deserve something better than that. We deserve our birthright, which is the middle way, an open state of mind that can relax with paradox and ambiguity. To the degree that we’ve been avoiding uncertainty, we’re naturally going to have withdrawal symptoms—withdrawal from always thinking that there’s a problem and that someone, somewhere, needs to fix it." Pema Chodron
Seven Factors of Awakening - Equanimity
"Training in equanimity is learning to open the door to all, welcoming all beings, inviting life to come visit. Of course, as certain guests arrive, we’ll feel fear and aversion. We allow ourselves to open the door just a crack if that’s all that we can presently do, and we allow ourselves to shut the door when necessary. Cultivating equanimity is a work in progress. We aspire to spend our lives training in the loving-kindness and courage that it takes to receive whatever appears—sickness, health, poverty, wealth, sorrow, and joy. We welcome and get to know them all."
- Pema Chodron
Hello John,
This week we conclude our discussion of the Seven Factors of Awakening and look at the factor of EQUANIMITY.
As we see from the quote above, EQUANIMITY is about being open to whatever life presents. It's finding a balanced, impartial state between familiar opposites - gain/loss, praise/blame, fame/disrepute, and pleasure/pain. What can we see and know from a neutral state right in the middle of it all where we don't demand an outcome either way? What can we see and know when we have intention, curiosity, kindness, compassion and courage to show up and be present for anything?
One mistake we sometimes make is equating EQUANIMITY with indifference. Instead of being fully present and balanced with the way things are, we detach from actual experience and favor apathy or we adopt a "pretend not to care" mask. Indifference is considered the "near enemy" of equanimity - it poses as balance but it's really ignoring what has actually appeared. We also can be challenged by the "far enemy" of Equanimity that shows up as restlessness or agitation because we're either clinging to how we want things to be or pushing things away that we don't want.
Compassion in Daily Life - Reflections
“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison
I've been using the traditional Buddhist compassion meditation for my daily practice this month. Here are some phrases I adapted for the meditation suggested by educator and coach Carley Hauck in her article "How to be more Compassionate at Work at mindful.org.
"May I, you be free from sorrow and pain
May I, you find ease in this struggle
May I, you find peace and healing
May I, you find openness of heart"
You may remember that this meditation is one where we focus our wish for an end to suffering in widening circles beginning with ourselves and moving outward to eventually include all beings.
One particular circle in this meditation that can be challenging for most of us is wishing for an end of suffering for people we don't like and where every encounter with them is difficult. It isn't unusual for us to react with all kinds of judgmental or aggressive strategies. In the end though, those reactive strategies separate us from the actual experience. As we close in around our negative feelings, we are not only blind to the part we play in constructing the story or belief about what's going on, we also can't see the suffering that is informing their reactions to life.
So, how do we find compassion in these situations? I've noticed a couple of aspects that help me. First, if I close in tightly around my own pain, it's not so easy to be kind or compassionate to others. But, when I remember to keep my view and approach to life open and expansive, I can recall that suffering is something we share with every other being - I can remember that you know suffering too.
Another aspect I notice when my suffering is the primary focus of my mind, is that I try to get rid of the overwhelming feeling by throwing it out into the universe and making someone else responsible for my discomfort. That never works. But, again, when I can stay open and aware and remember we all suffer, I'm able to get curious about my own contributions to the suffering I feel and take responsibility for understanding it and being kind and forgiving to myself for less than skillful reactions.
"May I, you be free from sorrow and pain
May I, you find ease in this struggle
May I, you find peace and healing
May I, you find openness of heart"